A relationship is an association where energies and emotions are exchanged. We are attracted to a person who can give us what we desire but lack.
1. Core, Self, Individuality, Image, Identity construct the perception about the other person and the relationship. They are protected by healthy boundaries.
The collapse of boundary(both writing in the same dairy, or using each other’s mobile, etc) collapses the individual entity, leading to the collapse of association.
3. Energy and Emotions are not infinite, once you give, it’s gone from you. So, you have to keep growing and harnessing them. Some sources of energy like parents, physical attraction can’t be grown, whereas some like ambitions, money, knowledge can keep growing.
When you lose the energy you were giving, the association collapses.
4. Our pursuits, hormonal states, needs, wants, perspectives change continuously; our desire for energies also changes.
If you no more need the energy the partner was supplying, then the association collapses.
1. Any breakup’s genesis is the collapse of association, either with self, or the exchange, or both. Both are transitive, ie, you get disconnected with the partner, when you are disconnected with the self, and vice versa.
2. The actual breakup takes place long after disassociation. In the disassociation stage, one keeps losing dopamine and keeps producing Adrenaline and Testosterone. Therefore conflicts become the norm.
3. Disassociation is not repairable, no matter how much you try. The only way is to break, and start from attraction, association, and attachment.
4. Any memory is indexed with an emotional signature. As disassociation turns your emotional states upside down, your most past memories are invalidated, and you see only negative in the partner.
1. Because your Adrenaline subsidizes when you separate, the body starts producing dopamine again. Now you can slowly feel your emotions. Because the memory is indexed with emotions, past good things will flash, and you will miss the person again.
2. You attempt to reconnect. But, there is neither a change of self, nor association, so the association collapses again. This relapse of association converts the frustration to hate.
3. Because you feel that your partner has left you broken, you stay hateful, and you lose other things in life too, as you become hateful to other people in your life too.
The fundamental reason for the breakup is that YOU stopped valuing yourself, the partner, and the association. You stopped contributing towards the growth, and never tried to expand the Interdependency metric.
The fault of the breakup is yours, not your partner’s.
Acceptance of this law is the only COPE-UP mechanism to subsidize hate.
THE ONLY WAY to remain happy and healthy is to respect the ex-partner, the disassociation, and cherish the past association. No exceptions, and aberrations here.
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We often over glorify our contribution to the relationship and undervalue our partner. This self-lie leads to our notorious behaviors towards our partner. We become overconfident of our partner’s dependency on us. We stop paying attention to their needs, their emotions, their ambitions, their likes, dislikes, desires and get engrossed with ours. We stop appreciating and acknowledging the role the partner is playing in life.
We pass on our stressors to the partner and refuse to take theirs. We conceal our true core and self. We threaten them with consequences. We preserve our emotions and suck partners. We let loose our mouths and behavior. An aware partner warns us of our flaws and that we are dragging it too far, but we stop caring.
We resent any criticism of our partner and become defensive. We promise changes and let those promises evaporate faster than water evaporates in a bucket. We reduce time, energy, emotional investment into the relationship.
Then we become hateful and blame the partner for our misery. Finally, there is a time, when we fail to convince our own brain of our lies. Now we resort to powerplay and threaten with breakups, divorces, suicides, taking revenge. It’s all the fault of the partner.
A breakup causes significant trauma. This trauma leads to depression, which in turn leads to various other health conditions like loss of Neuroplasticity, further resulting in memory loss and loss of immunity. Deal with the situation all alone, or book Lyfas test and counseling services for your breakup trauma assessment, and our counseling help to deal with the situation better.
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